Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
