I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize