I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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