Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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