im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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