big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
