i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
