Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
