I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
