he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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