I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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