I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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