life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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