You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
