after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
