Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
