I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
