I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
