eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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