idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
