weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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