im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
