Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
