Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
