Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
