I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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