"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
