That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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