Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We have started to decorate penises.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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