A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
