the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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