Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
