He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
