her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
