I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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