when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
