you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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