You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
