What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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