i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
