I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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