If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
