so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
