I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just cropdusted the office
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
