i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
