He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
