There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
