Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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