our cab driver is having phone sex.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
