I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
