mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
