My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
