the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
