You're so nebulous sometimes
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
