The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
