I just gift wrapped bread.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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