Rock
Scissors
Fuck
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
