We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
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I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
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Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize