how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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