I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
