is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
