I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
