Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
