I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
