I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
