I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
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I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
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Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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