woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Randomize
