i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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