He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
