i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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