why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
