Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
