i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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