Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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