Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
