You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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